I Voted for Senator Obama Because...

I voted for Senator Obama because I need health insurance and I want someone else to pay for it.

I voted for Senator Obama because I bought a house that I can't afford and I want someone else to pay for it.

I voted for Senator Obama because he opposed the war in Iraq and he opposed the surge, and now that we're winning, he'll bring our troops home so we can spend that $10 billion per month on my health insurance and my mortgage.

I voted for Senator Obama because he'll raise other people's taxes, not mine.

I voted for Senator Obama because he looks better and sounds better than John McCain.

I voted for Senator Obama because the Europeans love him, and I want the Europeans to love us again.

I voted for Senator Obama because he was endorsed by Warren Buffett, who's really rich, and by Colin Powell, who's pretty cool for a Republican - he's pro-choice, pro-affirmative action and doesn't like President Bush. (It's a little strange that HAMAS endorsed Senator Obama but I dismissed it.)

I voted for Senator Obama because he promised me a middle-class tax cut even though I don't pay Federal income taxes. I don't understand how he can do that but it doesn't bother me.

I voted for Senator Obama because he promised to bankrupt the coal industry because they pollute the environment and I like clean air. I don't worry too much about the fact that coal produces 40% of our electricity, nor that my electric bill may skyrocket, nor that hundreds of thousands of working-class people would lose their jobs...he'll make it all work out.

I voted for Senator Obama because he represents working-class people like me, not working-class people like Joe the Plumber. Joe shouldn't have embarrassed Senator Obama the way he did, but Senator Obama would never come after me they way he went after Joe.

I voted for Senator Obama because I don't want to feel guilty anymore about being white.

I voted for Senator Obama because I would never lose my job because he raised taxes.

I voted for Senator Obama because some people have way too much money and ought to share it, and if they don't, they're being selfish.

I voted for Senator Obama because if he confiscates everyone's 401(k), he'll leave mine alone.

I voted for Senator Obama because his relationships with Tony Reszko, William Ayers and Reverend Jeremiah Wright aren't important to me. I don't particularly like someone defrauding pension funds or throwing bombs or murdering police officers or shouting, "God damn America," but I don't think about it too much.

I voted for Senator Obama because I think he'll send my kids to college for free.

I voted for Senator Obama because there's no way that Sarah Palin has the experience to be President. (Not that experience is all that important. That's what Senator Obama says.)

I voted for Senator Obama because that guy from Iran will chill out now.

I voted for Senator Obama because when we leave Iraq, the terrorists will leave us alone. Al Qaeda would never attack us here.

I voted for Senator Obama because illegal immigrants should have the same rights as I have. After all, they only want a better life.

I voted for Senator Obama because he will give me everything I want, it won't cost me a thing, and because he can turn water into wine.